The Goku vs. Frieza Fight Remake
by Method Man
Summary: Remember the Infamous Goku vs. Frieza fight from DBZ? Well here is my remake of it which is extremely stupid and funny.


Part 1: The Ice-Cold Friezing Fight By DoubleMethod01@aol.com  
  
  
Here is my version of how Goku and Frieza fight continued (hilarious) when Frieza goes to 100% power.   
  
Goku, while waiting on Frieza to hurry up going to 100% power, he says: "Hey Frieza! Come on! Im getting impatient here!"  
  
"Cool down! Im only at 66% power!"  
  
"But King Kai is bugging me to attack you and he's really getting on my nerves!"  
  
"Forget him!"  
  
"I want to but he wont leave me alone!"  
  
"Ah, just put up with it!" Goku continues impatiently waiting. King Kai then says to Goku: "Just attack him! You're scheduled to do that!"  
  
Goku answers back, "But I want to have some fun. Screw those people!"  
  
"ATTACK HIM!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"DO I NEED TO TELEPORT THERE AND ZAP YOU?"  
  
"I DARE YOU TO!"  
  
"OK THEN!" Goku said. "Hey Frieza! I'll be back in ten minutes or so! Do you think you'll be done by then?"  
  
"Yeah, probably but then Namek will be destroyed!"  
  
"Oh, that's right! You dumb idiot! Why did you fire that blast to Namek's core?"  
  
"Oops. Now I wish I hadnt. DARN ME!"  
  
"Right, ridiculous." Goku said. "Are you done yet?"  
  
"Im at 90% hold on!"  
  
"Ok!" Goku said, ignoring what King Kai was yelling at him. Man, Frieza powers up much too slow. This sucks Goku thought to himself. Goku then started playing solitaire on the ground, waiting.  
  
"Goku! Sorry about the wait, but Im done!" Frieza said.  
  
"Finally?!" Goku said putting the cards back in his pockets.  
  
"Finally!"  
  
"Cool!"  
  
"Yeah, I know! What do you think about my muscles now? They make me look all tough now dont they?"  
  
"Yeah sorta"  
  
"Ready?"  
  
"Sure Ive been ready for the past two hours wondering why Namek hasnt exploded."  
  
"Oh, right. Sorry!"  
  
"Lets fight!" Goku yelled and charged at Frieza. Goku smacked Frieza.  
  
"OW! YOU BLIMBO! NOW I HAVE HAND PRINTS FROM YOU ON MY FACE!"  
  
"Oops. Sorry!" Frieza charged at Goku and punched him in the stomach.  
  
"Ummm, what were my actions supposed to be Frieza?"  
  
"You're supposed to stumble to your knees and spit out some blood."  
  
"Oh right." Goku stumbled to his knees and spit out some blood. Goku then grabbed Frieza's hand and started whirling him around. Goku then threw him through a mountain. Frieza got up.  
  
"YOU BROKE ONE OF MY FINGERNAILS! HOW MANY MISTAKES ARE YOU GONNA MAKE BEFORE OUR FIGHT IS OVER?" Frieza yelled at Goku.  
  
"My bad, Im just a bit frisky at this point." Goku said. Meanwhile, everyone on Namek has been wished back to life from the dragon balls. Vegeta stands up.   
  
"Im alive! Yahoo! Now I get to interfere in Kakarot and Frieza's fight!" Vegeta said, lauging as he flew towards the site. Meanwhile, Goku and Frieza were bashing each other around. Vegeta eventually arrived.  
  
"Kakarot! You're a super-saiyan!" he exclaimed.  
  
"Hey Vegeta! I know, I look cool now with golden spiky hair dont I?"  
  
"Yeah! Show me how to do it!"  
  
"Vegeta!" Frieza exclaimed.  
  
"Oh no Frieza. Um, your head isnt shiny any more. Do you want a polishing towel?" Vegeta offered Frieza.  
  
"My head isnt? Oh ok give me a polish towel please." Vegeta reached in bag he has carried along and gives Frieza one. "Oh thanks." Frieza said, polishing his head.  
  
"Anyways, Frieza. Im going to get revenge on you now for killing me!"  
  
"Oh ok, but just wait until Im done polishing my head."  
  
"Ok." Vegeta said. Vegeta and everyone else on Namek was just sent to earth. Frieza got done polishing.  
  
"Huh? Wheres Vegeta at?"  
  
"Hes on earth because you worried too much about your head."  
  
"Oh darn it. Back to business then?" Frieza said. Goku nodded. They then battled each other. Back on earth, Piccolo was healed.   
  
"Huh? I thought Frieza's blast killed me!" Piccolo said.  
  
"No, you were just badly hurt thats all." Gohan said.  
  
"Oh thats it? Man Im disappointed of Frieza. He sucks! I thought he was stronger!" Piccolo exclaimed.  
  
"Yeah I know." Gohan said. Goku and Frieza continue fighting. Suddenly a space craft landed on earth. It was COOLER, Frieza's brother! He walked out and went up to Piccolo and Gohan.  
  
"Cooler? You aren't supposed to come until movie 5!" Gohan exclaimed.  
  
"I am? Ah crap! Do you know where I can find my brother I have to ask him something." Cooler said.  
  
"Yeah he's on Namek." Gohan said.  
  
"Oh ok thanks."  
  
"Your welcome!" Cooler teleports to Namek, finding Frieza scowling at Goku for breaking all of his fingernails.  
  
"Hi Frieza! How are you doing?" Cooler says.  
  
"Oh hi Cooler, this blimbo just broke all of my darn fingernails so Im not very happy now."  
  
"I see. Do you know where I can find daddy?"  
  
"Daddy? He might be at home!" Frieza replied.  
  
"Oh ok thats all. Have fun!" Cooler says and teleports to home and finds Daddy.   
  
"Ok Goku. NOW MY MANICURE HAS NO NEED FROM ME WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? I PAID MONEY FOR IT TOO? AND FOR WHAT? TO PUT IT TO WASTE?"  
  
"Im sorry. Really!" Meanwhile at Frieza's home, Cooler is talking to King Cold, whom also is known as "Daddy".   
  
"Hi daddy!" Cooler exclaims.  
  
"Hi son!" King Cold replies. Meanwhile on Namek, Goku and Frieza get ready to lash at each other again. Meanwhile on earth, two twin beings show up in front of Goku and Piccolo.   
  
"Androids 18 and 17? What the heck is everyone from the future coming for? You know you two dont come until about 3 years nine months or so, right?" Gohan said.  
  
"Really? What the?" Android 18 said.  
  
"Ill tell you why 18 is here! First off I have no clue why 17 is here! But I can teel you why I think 18 is here! Shes looking for Krillin! She wants to get together with him earlier than she is supposed to!" Vegeta said.  
  
"Shut up Vegeta! That was supposed to be a surprise! Man!" Android 18 scowled.  
  
"Hahaha! Krillin is dead though! Frieza killed him!" Vegeta laughed.  
  
"SHUT UP BEFORE I KILL YOU! BUT I AM GOING TO NAMEK AND KILLING FRIEZA!"  
  
"You? Kill me? I am the saiyan prince! I fear--..." Vegeta is cut off.  
  
"Yeah yeah we know your stupid saiyan story so just shut up." Android 17 said.  
  
"Bring it on mentally challenged man!" Vegeta said. Vegeta charged up to full and attacked 17. 17 easily dodged and smashed Vegeta. Vegeta lost some blood from his mouth.   
  
"Is that all you got? Frieza punches harder!" Vegeta said. Vegeta then started choking 17. 17 was kicking and squirming but passed out.  
  
"Hahaha! I am the saiyan prince! No one can equal--..." he is cut off by Piccolo.  
  
"Just shut up! We know the stupid saiyan story like 17 said." Piccolo said.  
  
"You want some?"  
  
"Ugh, men. Especially you Vegeta. I mean you act all tough but you didnt do a thing to 17 and you're just so ugly. My brother is hot and you are just so ugly-looking!" Android 18 said.  
  
"Why you little piece of metal!" Vegeta yelled. Meanwhile, back on Namek.   
  
"Hey Frieza wait! I need to tie my shoe!"  
  
"Ugh! I was just about to make a good hit too!" Goku tied his shoe.   
  
"Ok, ready." Goku said and they started battling some more. Meanwhile, back on earth, Android 17 and 18 decided just to wait until they're supposed to make their appearence and went back to their chamber.  
  
"They're scared of the all mighty saiyans!" Vegeta said.  
  
"God, you cant go one day without bragging about the saiyan race, can you Vegeta?" Bulma exclaimed.  
  
"Woman! Dont test me!"  
  
"Oh shut up!"  
  
"You want some of the saiyan prince, the greatest and strongest of all the saiyans?" Everyone sighed as he mentioned the saiyan race again.  
  
"Come get some!" Bulma said. Vegeta charged at her with a punch and missed. Bulma then smacked Vegeta from left to right over and over again and again. Everyone was laughing. Vegeta started crying.   
Meanwhile back at Frieza's home,   
  
"I can call you daddy, right?" Cooler said.  
  
"Yes son, you can."  
  
"I can call you a big ugly slob with horns right?"  
  
"Yes son you can." King Cold said, taking his 32nd chug at a few bottles of tequila. Meanwhile, back on Namek, Goku and Frieza were fighting. Blood was splashing everywhere.  
  
"Ey Goku!" Frieza said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Could u give me some blood, Im starting to feel weak because Im losing so much."  
  
"You know what? I am too!"  
  
"NO! DARN IT!"  
  
"So what? We'll fight un til the first who turns pale blue!"  
  
"Ok then." Frieza said. They continued fighting. Back on earth, Gohan started making a remark to Piccolo.  
  
"Piccolo, why do you look so weird?" Gohan said.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I mean, why are you green all the time? You look like my crap when I have the flu!"  
  
"Oh, Im always like this."  
  
"Oh." There was a two-minute silence. "ARE you my crap?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh." There was another short silence.  
  
"But then why are you green?"  
  
"I dont know, why dont you ask Kami?"  
  
"Oh ok." There was another short silence. "But why is he green like my crap then?"  
  
"I dont know ask him."  
  
"Ok."  
  
"Is that all now?"  
  
"Uh i think yeah.  
  
"Good." Meanwhile back at Frieza's home.   
  
"Daddy-o-big-fat-slob?" Cooler said.  
  
"Yes son?"  
  
"Why do you have horns?"  
  
"I dont know son."  
  
"Daddy?"  
  
"Yes son."  
  
"Why are you so big?"  
  
"I dont know son."  
  
"Daddy?" While that continued, Goku was battling Frieza again on Namek. Goku smacked Frieza. Frieza smacked Goku back. Goku smacked Frieza back. Frieza smacked Goku back. This continued for a while. Frieza then created two energy discs.  
  
"Ey Goku!" Frieza said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"How do I throw these at you?"  
  
"I dunno"  
  
"Come on tell me."  
  
"I DUNNO!"  
  
"Well fine then be like that!" Frieza tried to throw them at Goku but one dropped vertical and cut off one of Frieza's hands.  
  
"OOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
"Oh my god, Frieza can I help you?"  
  
"YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS! GET ME MEDICS!!!!!!!"  
  
"Well, you killed all of the Nameks so there isnt anything we can do!"  
  
"DARN ME! IM SO STUPID!"  
  
"Yeah, not a good move huh?"  
  
"ARGH!" Meanwhile, back at Frieza's home, King Cold got through with about 50 bottles of tequila and was totally drunk.  
  
"You know son, Frieza is a crackhead."  
  
"Really daddy?"  
  
"Yes son. I think you're a crackhead too."  
  
"Really daddy?"  
  
"Yes, son." Meanwhile back on Namek.   
  
"Hey Frieza what now? It would be unfair to fight you like this."  
  
"Hmm. I dunno." Frieza shrugged.  
  
"I got an idea. How about you try that disc thing again?" Goku said.  
  
"Alright." Frieza said. He formed two energy discs. He then threw them at Goku successfully. "Cool I did it!"  
  
"Yay!" Goku exclaimed. He then maneuvered around the disc. Eventually Frieza got cut in half.  
  
"Nooooooooooooooo!" Frieza yelled.  
  
"Oops, I was a little bit too smart." Goku mumbled to himself. King Kai sensed it happening.   
  
"Yay!" Yamcha, Tien, Chiaoutzu, and King Kai exclaimed. Back on earth.  
  
"Yay!" yelled Bulma, Gohan, the Nameks, Piccolo, and Vegeta. Back at Frieza's home.  
  
"Ah! Who cares about that dumb son of mine!" King Cold said (drunk).  
  
"I know daddy!" Cooler said (taking a few shots from the bottles of tequila). Back on Namek.  
  
"Um, what now?" Goku asked the three fourths dead Frieza.  
  
"Give...me...some...of...your...energy!"  
  
"I dunno, Im really drained because I lost so much blood..."  
  
"PLEASE!"  
  
"Oh ok..." Goku transmitted energy to him.  
  
"There!"  
  
"No dimwit, that wasnt enough!"  
  
"Oh, sorry." Goku said and transmitted some more. Goku, feeling sleepy, fell asleep transmitting energy.   
  
" Ok thats enough!" Frieza yelled. Goku was fast asleep donating more energy.  
  
"STOP IT IM GONNA BLOW!" Frieza yelled and blew up. This woke Goku up.  
  
"Huh? Frieza?" No response. He then sees the pieces of Frieza lying on the ground.  
  
"Oh, hehe. Oops." Goku said getting a sweatdrop on the back of his head. "Ok, now I gotta get outta here." Goku started frantically searching for Frieza's ship. "Found it!" Goku exclaimed and jumped inside of it. He went straight for the controls.  
  
"Work you darn piece of junk!" he said, slamming on it. "The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!" he yelled, hoping good spirits would make it work. He then lost hope.  
  
He saw another ship however, and jumped into it and flew off Namek. Everyone was worried bla blah blah. Back on earth. "Hahaha kid, your dad is dead!" Vegeta said evilly.  
  
"No he isnt so take this!" Gohan yelled and bashed Vegeta around. Vegeta then started crying again. Meanwhile, back at Frieza's home, King Cold and Cooler were laughing a riot about the fact that Frieza got killed (they are REALLY drunk, remember?).  
  
"Hahahah! That stupid fool! He blew up like a bomb! Hahahah!" King Cold yelled (and laughed).  
  
"Hahahha! Frieza sucks! He is so stupid! He even cut himself in half! And blows up! Hahahahah!" Cooler yelled (as you can see,  
they are really stupid when drunk).   
  
"Hey son! Do you hear that ticking?" King Cold said. There was a short silence. "Its a Frieza bomb!" They both shared a large laugh. Back on earth.   
  
"Alrighty everyone! Lets summon the dragon!" Piccolo yelled.  
  
"Um, Piccolo?" Gohan said.  
  
"What is it kid?"  
  
"Could we wish for you not to look so much like my crap? Because it gets kinda annoying."  
  
"Maybe kid."  
  
  
  
This is where the story ends folks. It will continue into Part 2: The Garlic-Flavored Coinsidence when I get around to type it. Any questions about this or the next coming up, e-mail me at DoubleMethod01@aol.com Til then. 


End file.
